Why I DON’T Write!

Why I DON’T Write!

by

Kenneth A. Stephenson

Ever since I began writing people have asked me the same question, “Why do you want to be a writer?” The answer is when I was young we had a semester in english with different writing assignments. The writing came easy to me (the fact that I liked to read helped). The teacher read some of my stories aloud loud for the class. After my first two stories were read, my classmates would look upon the reading of my stories with eager anticipation on their faces. And actually applaud at the end. I was hooked.

Over the years, readers have enjoyed my short pieces of fiction and memoir. It has been a dream of mine to write a novel. So the question I ask myself is “Why don’t I write?” I am retired so time is not the problem. I have ideas popping into my head everyday so ‘writer's block’ is not my problem. I have several laptops and plenty of notebooks. I am single and live in a relatively quiet neighborhood. So what is holding me back?

I mostly spend my days watching movies when I could (should?) be writing. I eat too much because I am bored. Oh the shape I would be in if I would just spend my time writing and getting a little exercise. Stephen King once wrote that he walked five miles and wrote for several hours each day (I suppose that included weekends). I need to follow his example. Some popular authors say they write x number of pages each day, some write for so many hours each day. Some edit as they write, some edit after they write, and some walk away from the piece for six months before editing. I write short pieces so I tend to edit as I write and again after (I think) I am finished.

I enjoy writing. It brings me peace of mind (usually) when I get the ideas out of my head and onto some type of media, whether it be on computer or paper. So what prevents me from writing?

When I was younger it was a lack of encouragement. Once when I was thirty and working for my brother, I told him I wanted to write a novel. Later he told me that he and his partners were “floored” that I wasn’t at my job. As I saw it, writing a novel had nothing to do with my day to day job (unless I wrote a bestseller). Others often shared their wisdom “you can’t make a living just writing”. At the time I didn’t know any better. Then I joined a writers group that has helped me to improve my writing and given me the encouragement I need to reach for the brass ring.

Still I don’t write everyday (I don’t exercise either). So what is holding me back? In a word FEAR! A fear of failure, that I’m not good enough at something that brings me joy. And to a lesser degree, a fear of succeeding. I don’t want fame (maybe just a little). I am one of those people who want to win the lottery but I am afraid of all that money. Money changes people. And not just the winners but the people around them. Many will want a piece of your newfound funds. They’ll hate you if you don’t share it with them, and they’ll hate you if you do.

Fame and fortune lead to alcoholism, drug addiction and even bankruptcy. I don’t want any of that. I just want to live comfortably and quietly the rest of my life.

I may never write a novel. But I could write articles for magazines, blogs or companies. They don’t pay a fortune but then I don’t need much. The solution to my problem is to write a little each day until it becomes a habit. And the money, hopefully, will take care of itself.

Thank you to all of the Mid Michigan Writers family. For helping me on my journey.

P.S. At our last Christmas Dinner we played Who Wrote It? My story was read beautifully by Kay. When Kay finished, Laura sitting next to me said, “Awww”.

This is why I write.