16) Granny's Books

"Boy, am I glad to see you this morning," said Walker Bugh as her neighbor, Dillface Donna, strolled in the door carrying a box and a bag of muffins. Dillface Donna dropped her bundles on the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"What's in the carton?"

"A gift from Granny."

Walker Bugh smiled. "Another round of Harlequin Romances?"

Dillface Donna laughed. "Probably. So, what's going on with you?"

"Oh, just frustrated," said Walker adding cream to her coffee. "I've been up since four in the morning and getting nowhere, revising a chapter I read to my writing group last night. They were brutal, but as I tear it apart, they were right."

"What's the problem? Not enough conflict?"

"That among other things."

"Here," said Donna, handing her a treat. "Food for thought." Donna sat across from Walker at the table. "You're writing a romance novel, aren't you?"

"Yep" said Walker peeling the paper away from the pastry.

"Easy, Peasy. Just add more sex."

"It's not porn."

"Maybe it should be," said Dillface Donna.

Walker Bugh scowled.

"Don't give me that look. What's the name of that book that went off the charts? You know, the one that Granny devoured. Sixty Colors of Love?"

"Do you mean "Fifty Shades of Grey? Critics hated it."

"Yeah, whatever," said Dillface Donna. "But women were buying it up like chocolate."

"Mommy Porn" Walker Bugh said, wrinkling her nose.

"Well, all I can say is that when the movie came out, Mom, Granny, and all her friends begged me to take them to see it."

Dillface Donna got up and refilled her mug. "Can you imagine sitting with sixty-and-eighty-year-old women drooling over male dominance and sexual bondage? I don't think so."

"Hmm, knowing that crowd, they would be laughing more than drooling," grinned Walker.

"Smirk all you want but the author of that book got the last laugh."

"I guess, but I don't get it."

"What's to get?" said Donna. "Sex sells. Just sit down and write a first draft of boy meets girl, or girl meets girl, or whatever, add some naked bodies, whips and handcuffs, and call it Sixty-Nine Shades of Purple. Voila! There's your bestseller."

"And who is going to do the research?"

"You're on your own there, kiddo. I barely tolerate public displays of affection."

As Dillface Donna finished the last of her sweet roll, Walker Bugh stood at the counter and pulled out a book, Love Bites and Other Tails. "Are you sure these come from Granny?"

Dillface Donna's cheeks flushed, and her lips puckered more than ever. "Some might have been mine." She glanced up. "What are you looking at, Walker?"

"Your face, my friend. You're wearing Sixty-Nine Shades of Red."